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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

What's Really Important?

Have you ever run into someone that you haven't talked to in a long time and you know that they know you're there, but it seems that they are trying very hard to pretend they don't see you, even though you know they do? That happened today. It's the very person I've wondered what I would do if I saw them because there is an enforced silence (on her part) that I have tried to break. It's a relationship that I thought was worth fighting for. It's been almost 8 months since I've laid eyes on her. I did something very out of the ordinary for me. My normal reaction would be to pretend I also don't see her and let her feel relieved that there was no awkward moment to endure and feel somewhat relieved myself while still feeling guilty for not at least trying. But no, I couldn't do that. I walked right up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and hugged her. I think surprised doesn't even begin to describe what registered on her face.

This all transpired at a funeral. Let's just say funerals are really good at getting you thinking about what's important. I sat there at this funeral wondering to myself if there was any relationship that needed repairing in my life because I can't imagine the guilt on either part if one or the other of us would die. I know this all sounds very morbid, but it's a reality. People are gone in a blink of an eye. Life is precious and so are the people in it. I just needed her to know that there are no hard feelings on my part and that in the event she ever wanted my friendship back, she would know I'm still here. No strings attached. I've stopped chasing her and all the memories and I'm letting life take it's course, but I still needed her to know that I'm not some scary person. That the situation between us hasn't taken on a life of it's own and all the horrible scenarios regarding the situation that somehow get created in the mind during an absence aren't true.

I just realize there is no place in life for unforgiveness and silence.


Ruth said...

i am so encouraged by your post erin. love YOU.

Jamie said...

I know exactly what you mean about people pretending they don't see you when you know they do. I'm guilty of it too. After the fact I feel ashamed and wish I was much more brave.

Very profound post. I must say I too hope I have no regrets if people I know pass away. Gets you thinking.

carla said...

i'm proud of you for doing that. :) thanks for sharing.
and GREAT seeing you & chatting! (hope you don't think my husband's too weird...even though he is....hee hee)

Lindsay said...

Smart, brave, AND beautiful.

Louise said...

Great Post Erin!!
Proud of you girl..

Nadine said...

Excellent post Erin. Forgiveness is the key it holds us back in our walk when we hold it back. Thank you for sharing.

Dedee said...

I do this frequently. The pretend thing. But everytime I hear of someone dying that is close to me, I start thinking along the same lines. I'm glad you had the guts to hug her. Whether it makes any difference to her, I bet it has made all the difference in the world to you. You are awesome.

Joyce said...

Fantastic, Erin.
I bet there are as many stories as there were people at the funeral. As many thoughts, revelations, realities.
Thanks for sharing yours. Sometimes, somebody just has to choose to step forward and be the "bigger man".

it's me, Val said...

Wow, Erin, thank you for posting that. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

i was wondering if you'd talked to her. i missed her and i'm disappointed. proud of you.

esther said...

that's so GREAT erin, you are an inspiration!!!

svea said...

I am so proud of you Erin, I Pray God heals that friendship in His way . hugs to you- svea

Leesh said...

yup, I hear ya on that one. But in my case it's been 5 years with my friend who I was best friends with for 12ish years. I stopped chasing the friendship. And it ended. Which is horribly saddening. Still miss her like crazy sometimes. But what you did was fabulous. I usually don't swoop in with the hugs, but I do always try to be super nice and approachable. Way to be an example. You're an always evolving kinda gal. Never satisfied with just being. I love how you endeavor to become the best. And constantly grow. I've learned that from you. You've taught me a thing or two in the last year or so since we started really hanging. I value your opinion. You're great. Love ya.

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