31 Days till Sandals

Spring is in the air. I know this because I can feel it. I'm freezing. Which means my furnace isn't turning on, so it must be getting nice out. I'm so excited! I'm known to pull out my sandals April 1 (and they don't get put away until about November 1). Doesn't matter how much snow is left, I'm done with the restraint of shoes and boots on that date. Although I must say my hotty boots are going to be hard to give up, I have so enjoyed tottering around in them this winter! But I live for the strappy little numbers that let my sweaty, hot feet breathe...ah, freedom. I guess that means I should take off the nail polish that's been slowly chipping away on my toenails for the last 5 months. Yuck! (I have a serious problem with keeping up with nail polish.)

Things I've learned this week (and yes, I know it's only Wednesday)...

1. You can only defend your faith so far, then it's up to the Holy Spirit to do the rest.

2. I'm too quick to feel offense by things that were most likely unintentional, but I'm learning to recognize it quicker and talk myself out of a pity party.

3. I don't like being so busy that there is no time to just sit. No time to think. No time to read. No time to pray. We were taught by our parents that busy is good. If you're not doing anything productive from sun up to sun down then you are being lazy. The problem with this is that I find I lose myself in the busyness and forget the important things. Then I go to bed at night feeling like I'm missing something.

4. After all these years, I'm still afraid of the phone. I used to be afraid to call anyone I didn't know, even to order pizza. I thought as I've gotten older I'd get over that. Well apparently not! This whole phoning libraries has got my stomach in knots every afternoon. I actually have a pep rally for myself before I start phoning, "You can do this, Erin, they're perfectly non-scary people."

5. Credit Cards are evil!!! Well, I already knew this, but it was brought home like a punch in the gut when I got my bill and it was a lot more than I thought. So I've hidden my credit cards and decided I'm not leaving my house for the next year so I don't spend money. We had paid it all off and we were doing so good. I'm not sure what happened, but I totally fell off the bandwagon. So now it's all out there, I have to be accountable and not spend money I don't have. I also realized that every time I pull out the credit card, I'm not trusting God to provide for me. I'm also prone to instant gratification, so I have to kick that in the butt.

6. I'd rather lay all my faults on the table in plain view so no one can unearth something and find me a fake. The problem with this is that I belittle myself and let people walk all over me. I'm learning to not place so much value in what others think of me, but find my self-worth in God.

7. No matter how bad your kids are or how rotten a day with them has been, all you have to do is look at pictures of them and you quickly start thinking that they are wonderful and perfect. After all, there aren't that many pictures of them throwing tantrums, screaming at each other, being disobedient and just being plain naughty. No, no...we only take pictures of the good times. Maybe there's a reason for that.

So there you have it. I'm on a learning curve this week. Maybe I just need to get out. Oh yeah, I'm not going anywhere...shoot!

Highlight of my morning...

This is the funniest video I've seen in a while (Thanks Steph Armbruster for bringing to our attention by posting it on her blog!). You may not share my sense of humor, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! (click on the pause button on the mp3 player on the left side of my blog to turn music off so you can hear the music on the video)

The Healing of Harms

I was painting yesterday and I really started digging deep inside myself. Painting always makes me very introspective, I think I actually start talking to myself. Hopefully there wasn't anyone listening at the top of the stairs. Anyway, I've noticed that with all this physical cleansing of my body, my heart is getting a real makeover as well. It's not easy and definitely not painless. One of the things that has really been on my mind is broken or distant relationships.

I had a conversation with a very special person on the weekend and they told me that I need to sit down with my brothers and talk. Really talk. Invite them into my life and not just nonchalantly, either. Look them in the eyes and be vulnerable. Time has created a huge gap in how we relate to each other and I realized this weekend that I'm grieving for what was and what could be. I have no sister for a friend and I have no relationship with my 2 brothers. Not that I wouldn't love it. It's partly my fault for not taking it more seriously and really reaching out. We live such different lives, but what siblings don't? Maybe they think I don't care and have no use for them. I realized that my heart is broken over this lack and I've been covering it up for years, pretending I don't care and that one day when we're "all grown up" it will be different and they'll be my best friends. I get angry with them that they're doing things that they shouldn't, when really I'm just angry that I can't get close enough to them to speak into their lives and be one of the people they pour their hearts out to. I know you can pose for pictures and pretend everything is all great, but this picture reminds me that I did once upon a time feel somewhat close to my two brothers (the look on Kerry's face is nothing to go by, he never smiles in pictures).

So will I do this? Will I really make myself that vulnerable? I don't know. Honestly, I look at the whole situation and I hear myself saying "will they take me seriously or just mock me?". I know they are worth it to me, but can I be as open with them as I am with everyone else? I sure hope so. And even if there isn't a miraculous change, they'll at least know I cared enough to try.

Another survey

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:35
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Casino Royale
4. What is your favorite TV show? any CSI and Grey's Anatomy
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Yogurt and fruit
6. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian
7. What is your middle name? Joanna
8. What food do you dislike? onions, cauliflower, seafood
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Fireflight/Jeremy Camp/Josh Groban are all
tied for #1
10. What kind of car do you drive? Saturn
11. Favorite sandwich? Subway: Wheat bun with roasted chicken, BBQ sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, white cheddar cheese and parmesan, yummy, yummy!
12. What characteristic do you despise? Lying and people who interrupt or don't listen at all
13. Favorite item of clothing? comfy jeans
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be and
with who? Italy with my hubby
15. What color is your bathroom? One bathroom is Caramel Apple by Benjamin Moore the other is red
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Don't have one
17. Where would you retire to? no one place, I'm going to travel everywhere
18. What was your most memorable birthday? 17th
19. Favorite sport to watch? none, ever
20. Furthest place you are sending this? I'm not, I'm blogging it
21. When is your birthday? October 11
22. Are you a morning person or a night person? night
23. What is your shoe size? 8 1/2 or 9
24. Pets: a fish named Ziggy
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? ummm, no
26. What did you want to be when you were little? a mommy...seriously
27. How are you today? good, but rather tired of listening to Aidan complain...just waiting for bed time.
28. What are your favorite lollies? don't like hard candy
29. What is your favorite flower? daisies and roses
30. What is a date on the calendar you are looking forward to? April 16: Il Divo with Elin
31. Are you married? You bet
32. Do you enjoy your job? Yes

Weekend Retreat

What a nice break it was to be in Pinawa for the weekend. Sixteen women makes for a rockin', crazy good time! Lots of talk about God, life, children, love and of course the always exciting topic of poo. What gathering of women would be complete without endless conversing about it. We always came full circle.

Movies, late nights, no children, wearing pajamas all day, talking, crying, laughing, sleeping, crossword puzzles and lots of good food...it all contributed to our fun and fellowship.

On the topic of food, I cheated, but only because I was given permission to do this. I had a cookie, a bun, half a piece of cheesecake, pie, and the list goes on of the numerous other things that should not have been ingested into my person. I don't regret it because it has given me the desire and need to continue on with my cleanse and I'm good to go for the next stretch. Only by the grace of God I didn't get sick, but I do feel like I've defiled my clean palette and look forward to getting back on track. So off I go on round 2 of the cleanse. I can do this!!!!

February Fun

click on small picture below to view larger size

I made this slideshow at FreeFlashSlideshow.com.
Check out these MySpace Slideshows!

New Blog Title...

You will notice when you arrive on my blog that my title has changed. After many instances of having people snicker, yes, even outright laugh, at my title "deep thoughts", I decided it was time to change it. I'm annoyed with the fact that some people see me - happy, talkative, and think that I'm shallow and without the intelligence that more serious people have. I have depth and layers and wish that people would start to realize that you can in fact be both full of life and full of depth. My blog will not change, it will still be a mix of the normal, mundane, funny, and just general goings on in my life. I am hoping, though, that my life will indeed become more fully alive. That I'll take joy in the small things and laugh and smile as much as I used to. For those of you who have only known me in the last few years, you've missed the better part of me. Maybe it was part of growing up, but I intend to unmature a little. It's time to bring back the Erin with the laughter always waiting just below the smile. The Erin who didn't care so much what everyone thought and wasn't so worried that she'd say something silly. Life is too short and I intend to teach my children that it can be fun!

Day 2: New Job

Day 2 of my new job is complete and today I had a 300% increase in productivity over yesterday! Well, in other words I signed up 3 accounts today whereas yesterday I signed up 1. At first I felt a little let down because I'm supposed to be trying to set up about 2-3 accounts an hour meaning that I should have already set up 12. But here's the thing...yes, there is a thing. For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm talking about (and actually care), I am calling libraries across western Canada, starting with Saskatchewan and directing them to the Solomon's Porch website. My goal is to get them to set up an account so they can buy books at discount prices.

But alas, I have discovered that Saskatchewan's libraries do not buy their own books the way they do in Manitoba. Saskatchewan has 10 major Regional Libraries that each have 20-50 small public libraries under them and these regionals do the buying for all their libraries in their sector. I caught on to this after calling 40 libraries and getting the same response. I finally tracked down the regional buyers and...VIOLA...I had some takers. So the 4 accounts that I have set up thus far are actually going to be buying for their whole territory. So that makes me feel a little better. Not to mention lots less time spent on the phone and a whole lot more area covered (although if you're counting hours to get paid by this isn't necessarily a good thing!). So that in a nutshell is my new job.

I've gotten over my phobia of phones quite quickly and found out that I'm actually pretty good at it. Happy phone voice...that's all you need. And when you realize that the majority of people you're talking to are nice little librarians (they are a dying breed!), it takes some of the danger out of it!

A Photo Shoot Gone Horribly Wrong

Well, 7 boxes of kleenex, 13 almost sleepless nights, 2 trips to the chiropractor, tons of acidophillus, lots of vitamin c, even more prayer, and one horrible drivers license picture and I've started the week off feeling like my old self! What a blessing our health is. How we take for granted the gift of breathing normally.

But back to the drivers license picture...I show up at the insurance office yesterday to renew my autopac/drivers and lo and behold, my picture has expired. This I find really funny because I just got my new license with my cool holographic picture on it the day before in the mail and then it proceeded to expire 24 hours later. So anyway, in a rare moment, I hadn't really done my makeup and my hair was just in a lazy ponytail because who knew a quick trip up town to the insurance agency would result in an impromptu photo shoot? Not I!! They should really tell us before we show up looking like the bride of Frankenstein! Although I think it's a conspiracy among autopac people to make it a fun surprise so that they can compare stories of the most horrendous pictures! And the really sad part is, my last picture was horrible and I had been looking forward to a new picture.

Well you are all going to have to take my word for how scary the picture is because you will never see it and I will be driving 5 under the speed limit for the next 4 years so that I never have to show an unsuspecting officer the awful thing! Let's just say the 7 boxes of kleenex took their toll on my poor nose and upper lip. Good thing you're not allowed to smile for the new license pictures because I couldn't have even if I'd tried. Although a smile might have been my saving grace in this instance. Oh well, there's always another chance in 4 years. And you can bet I'll never show up at the insurance agency again looking any less than my best!

Oh What a Wonderful Feeling...

I've got 4 new, unopened cans of paint in my house just waiting for me to dive in. And I almost literally do dive into my paint! When I paint, no matter how careful I am, I seem to have paint in my hair, on my face, up to my elbows, sometimes even on my butt (I've been known to back into freshly painted walls). I love to paint and I get really involved. I crank up the tunes and just go! Some people think I'm nuts how much I paint, but it's totally cathartic! And I love the smell of new paint (latex...not oil). It's so fresh, so new, so clean. It's like a rebirthing for the room, or in this case a new birth as my basement has never had paint. The feeling of having a picture in my head of how it's all going to look and then seeing it all come together, and when the room is all finished, I can stand back and say "yep, that's how it looked in my head".

Thankfully I'm finally feeling like I'm getting better because I'm going to need all my strength and energy to paint, paint, paint. Don't worry, I won't overdo it and get sick again. I had to muster all my willpower today and not run downstairs the minute I brought the paint home and start. But I said to myself "Self, you will wait till next week when you've had the chance to rest a bit more!" THAT is self-control!!!

Choices

I went to see my Chiropractor this morning and she told me some interesting things. The most interesting was that she didn't think I have an infection and that the antibiotics I'm on will probably cause more harm than good (no infection=no use for the antibiotics=increase in yeast for no good reason). She said it was my choice what I did with that information, but it does make sense. My nasal "fluid" is running clear and that usually means no infection (sorry, probably more info than you needed to know!).

She did say that the cleanse I'm on and how badly my neck was out would make any viral cold that I would get a lot worse, hence the extreme sinus blockage. So I'm pumping myself up on vitamin c and acidophillus and going back to the chiropractor on Monday. If suddenly my nasal fluid does turn green and my symptoms get worse I have no problem taking the antibiotics. I just don't want to ruin my hard work for NOTHING if I have the chance to get better and keep the benefits of my cleanse thus far.

I know some people might think I'm weird and that this is all bogus, but I've got a lot of trust in natural and herbal remedies. I also have a lot of trust in doctors and medicine. If it wasn't for them I probably wouldn't be here today. There just has to be a balance between both worlds and I think I've found it for the most part. I've taken antibiotics before, and I'll take them again if I have to. There are just some things that I'd rather test the alternative route before taking medication that I know will have more harmful effects than good in my body at this particular time.

So on that note, would you please pray for me that what I'm doing will work and that I'm making the right choice. I appreciate all the support and encouragement I've gotten from everyone so far.

The Saddest Valentine

Ella came home from school today with her latest craft project. So I put him up on the fridge and then I studied him a little closer. His smile was upside down! I asked her why he was so sad, and she replied "Because he couldn't find his sister". Poor sad valentine!

Calm after the teething/cold storm!

This was Aidan yesterday morning...smiling. She was happily eating her breakfast, so peacefully. I think it's been a week and a half since the whole cold-turned-teething spell started. And what a lifetime that week felt like! I took out my camera to capture this moment and when she saw the camera she started hamming it up. It was wonderful to hear her laugh and see her beautiful smile.

Candida Cleanse: Day 32

I'm feeling a little discouraged today. I've been sick with a wicked cold for 8 days and I went to the doctor today. He gave me a really high dose of antibiotics (12 days worth!). Antibiotics are one of the worst yeast related enemies. So basically everything I've worked so hard for in the last 5 weeks isn't quite ruined, but severely hindered. Just when I felt like I'd conquered the world and I was on track, it kind of went up in smoke. I felt like throwing in the towel and saying "I'm done, let's go for pizza and cheesecake!" But I can't give up.

I'll do what I have to do, it's just not what I wanted. At least I'm rooted enough into my diet now that I'm not really craving too much anymore, I was just really looking forward to things like a glass of chocolate milk, or a fresh cookie and not having to take all my own food everywhere I go. Thank goodness that God's grace is sufficient for us in times when we are discouraged. And I have to remind myself of my verse one more time:

"Let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't get discouraged and give up." (Galatians 6:9)

Vacant Wanderings of a Feeble Mind!

That's actually how I'm feeling right now, but that title is actually the name of a video a bunch of us made in high school. Yeah, I know, we all missed our calling.

Anyway, exciting news in our household, we got a NEW VACUUM!!!! Oh, this is big stuff for us. In the 6 years (almost) that we've been married, I've never owned a vacuum. I've been using an old clunker that my mom let us borrow (that's Jer and Aidan using the old vacuum one last time).

And now, enter the new Hoover Windtunnel Twin Chamber Bagless Vacuum with Hepafilter. (and I suffered a major injury taking this picture! I'm currently sitting with a bag of frozen corn on my leg trying to stop the bruising and swelling. It's the hazards of the job, I know)

Oh yeah, baby, this vacuum sucks!! And I mean really sucks. We just had our carpets shampooed and vacuumed with mom's good vacuum and we had just vacuumed on Friday with our old vacuum. So Jer decides to take it for a spin yesterday afternoon and you should see the stuff that came out of our carpet! YUCK!!!! I said to Jer "maybe the manufacturers just put dust and hair and fiber and dirt in it so that the first time you use it you think 'wow, this thing works amazing!'" He just shook his head. So that proves my point, we could have been using a Carpet Flick for as well as our old vacuum was working.

And I know I'm weird...who takes pictures of vacuums? I just hadn't posted any pictures in a while and I thought you deserved something a little special : )

Congratulations!!!

I just wanted to offer my congratulations to Tyler and Becky on the birth of their son, Elliot Avery. Way to go, Becky!

Erin turns into a teenager again!

All I can say is that "I'm so excited!!!" I got to kinda, sorta meet Fireflight (only for like 10 seconds while they signed my cd, but so what). And I'm kicking myself (dangit, dangit, dangit!!!!!) I didn't bring my camera (I could have had my picture with all of them...dangit, dangit, dangit!!!!!...sorry). Everytime I think of it I get madder. Oh, well.

The concert rocked. All 3 bands played amazingly, all very good live performers. We sat in the fourth row (in front of the speakers) and it was so awesome to be right there, up, close, personal and slightly deaf. Luckily we met Jay and Rachel there (by fluke) and we sat with them. It was lucky because Jay had the forethought to bring 4 pairs of earplugs. I was going to be all "cool, rock girl" and not wear any (I'll show them!), but after the first band played, my ears were not very happy (especially since I have a sinus cold). I still couldn't put in the earplugs for Fireflight (it felt kind of like betrayal), but I did wear them for Disciple since they were crazy!

I felt like I should have been a chaperone or something because the majority of the kids there were probably 13-18. And that's when it hit me...I'm getting up on the way to 30. I know I've got a ways to go, but it's not going to be that long before I'm one of the disgruntled looking parents bringing my kids to loud concerts. I hope I can always love music enough to embarrass my kids a little and rock with them instead of sitting there with my arms crossed looking like I was dying a slow death (you should have seen the mom sitting 2 rows behind us, hee, hee, I wonder what she was thinking...). And then I saw one dad just givin' er with his son. It was awesome!

Anyway, rock on, Fireflight, you did not disappoint!

The longest day ever...

I guess I can say that my day started...hmmm...74 hours ago. Okay, maybe that's slighty exaggerated, but that's what it feels like. I don't think I've slept (much) in the last 3 days (or nights). You know when you're in that semi-asleep mode where you are dreaming, and you know you're dreaming, but you also know that your left nostril is plugged and your neck is getting a kink in it because you've tried to position it just right to keep both nostrils open, resulting in all the yuck sliding down the back of your throat and waking you up in a coughing fit? Yeah, that's pretty much how it's been. I even took that nightime-coughing-sneezing-sorethroat-congestion-medicine-so-
you-can-get-the-rest-you-need-and-wake-up-feeling-better stuff...it doesn't work!

So if you're waiting for me to blog about something interesting, don't...I'm walking around in a bit of a fog. Although if I could just remember my dreams in some logical way, that would be pretty interesting stuff to blog about. I've got some crazy stuff going on in there at night. You know how it's said that you process at night all the stuff from the day? Well, I'm not sure that planting fuzzy, fake flowers in my mom's garden while looking at pictures of my brother standing on a dolphin was at all talked about or mentioned yesterday. So there you have it...