The Healing of Harms

I was painting yesterday and I really started digging deep inside myself. Painting always makes me very introspective, I think I actually start talking to myself. Hopefully there wasn't anyone listening at the top of the stairs. Anyway, I've noticed that with all this physical cleansing of my body, my heart is getting a real makeover as well. It's not easy and definitely not painless. One of the things that has really been on my mind is broken or distant relationships.

I had a conversation with a very special person on the weekend and they told me that I need to sit down with my brothers and talk. Really talk. Invite them into my life and not just nonchalantly, either. Look them in the eyes and be vulnerable. Time has created a huge gap in how we relate to each other and I realized this weekend that I'm grieving for what was and what could be. I have no sister for a friend and I have no relationship with my 2 brothers. Not that I wouldn't love it. It's partly my fault for not taking it more seriously and really reaching out. We live such different lives, but what siblings don't? Maybe they think I don't care and have no use for them. I realized that my heart is broken over this lack and I've been covering it up for years, pretending I don't care and that one day when we're "all grown up" it will be different and they'll be my best friends. I get angry with them that they're doing things that they shouldn't, when really I'm just angry that I can't get close enough to them to speak into their lives and be one of the people they pour their hearts out to. I know you can pose for pictures and pretend everything is all great, but this picture reminds me that I did once upon a time feel somewhat close to my two brothers (the look on Kerry's face is nothing to go by, he never smiles in pictures).

So will I do this? Will I really make myself that vulnerable? I don't know. Honestly, I look at the whole situation and I hear myself saying "will they take me seriously or just mock me?". I know they are worth it to me, but can I be as open with them as I am with everyone else? I sure hope so. And even if there isn't a miraculous change, they'll at least know I cared enough to try.

Another survey

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:35
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Casino Royale
4. What is your favorite TV show? any CSI and Grey's Anatomy
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Yogurt and fruit
6. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian
7. What is your middle name? Joanna
8. What food do you dislike? onions, cauliflower, seafood
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Fireflight/Jeremy Camp/Josh Groban are all
tied for #1
10. What kind of car do you drive? Saturn
11. Favorite sandwich? Subway: Wheat bun with roasted chicken, BBQ sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, white cheddar cheese and parmesan, yummy, yummy!
12. What characteristic do you despise? Lying and people who interrupt or don't listen at all
13. Favorite item of clothing? comfy jeans
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be and
with who? Italy with my hubby
15. What color is your bathroom? One bathroom is Caramel Apple by Benjamin Moore the other is red
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Don't have one
17. Where would you retire to? no one place, I'm going to travel everywhere
18. What was your most memorable birthday? 17th
19. Favorite sport to watch? none, ever
20. Furthest place you are sending this? I'm not, I'm blogging it
21. When is your birthday? October 11
22. Are you a morning person or a night person? night
23. What is your shoe size? 8 1/2 or 9
24. Pets: a fish named Ziggy
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? ummm, no
26. What did you want to be when you were little? a mommy...seriously
27. How are you today? good, but rather tired of listening to Aidan complain...just waiting for bed time.
28. What are your favorite lollies? don't like hard candy
29. What is your favorite flower? daisies and roses
30. What is a date on the calendar you are looking forward to? April 16: Il Divo with Elin
31. Are you married? You bet
32. Do you enjoy your job? Yes

Weekend Retreat

What a nice break it was to be in Pinawa for the weekend. Sixteen women makes for a rockin', crazy good time! Lots of talk about God, life, children, love and of course the always exciting topic of poo. What gathering of women would be complete without endless conversing about it. We always came full circle.

Movies, late nights, no children, wearing pajamas all day, talking, crying, laughing, sleeping, crossword puzzles and lots of good food...it all contributed to our fun and fellowship.

On the topic of food, I cheated, but only because I was given permission to do this. I had a cookie, a bun, half a piece of cheesecake, pie, and the list goes on of the numerous other things that should not have been ingested into my person. I don't regret it because it has given me the desire and need to continue on with my cleanse and I'm good to go for the next stretch. Only by the grace of God I didn't get sick, but I do feel like I've defiled my clean palette and look forward to getting back on track. So off I go on round 2 of the cleanse. I can do this!!!!

February Fun

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I made this slideshow at FreeFlashSlideshow.com.
Check out these MySpace Slideshows!

New Blog Title...

You will notice when you arrive on my blog that my title has changed. After many instances of having people snicker, yes, even outright laugh, at my title "deep thoughts", I decided it was time to change it. I'm annoyed with the fact that some people see me - happy, talkative, and think that I'm shallow and without the intelligence that more serious people have. I have depth and layers and wish that people would start to realize that you can in fact be both full of life and full of depth. My blog will not change, it will still be a mix of the normal, mundane, funny, and just general goings on in my life. I am hoping, though, that my life will indeed become more fully alive. That I'll take joy in the small things and laugh and smile as much as I used to. For those of you who have only known me in the last few years, you've missed the better part of me. Maybe it was part of growing up, but I intend to unmature a little. It's time to bring back the Erin with the laughter always waiting just below the smile. The Erin who didn't care so much what everyone thought and wasn't so worried that she'd say something silly. Life is too short and I intend to teach my children that it can be fun!

Day 2: New Job

Day 2 of my new job is complete and today I had a 300% increase in productivity over yesterday! Well, in other words I signed up 3 accounts today whereas yesterday I signed up 1. At first I felt a little let down because I'm supposed to be trying to set up about 2-3 accounts an hour meaning that I should have already set up 12. But here's the thing...yes, there is a thing. For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm talking about (and actually care), I am calling libraries across western Canada, starting with Saskatchewan and directing them to the Solomon's Porch website. My goal is to get them to set up an account so they can buy books at discount prices.

But alas, I have discovered that Saskatchewan's libraries do not buy their own books the way they do in Manitoba. Saskatchewan has 10 major Regional Libraries that each have 20-50 small public libraries under them and these regionals do the buying for all their libraries in their sector. I caught on to this after calling 40 libraries and getting the same response. I finally tracked down the regional buyers and...VIOLA...I had some takers. So the 4 accounts that I have set up thus far are actually going to be buying for their whole territory. So that makes me feel a little better. Not to mention lots less time spent on the phone and a whole lot more area covered (although if you're counting hours to get paid by this isn't necessarily a good thing!). So that in a nutshell is my new job.

I've gotten over my phobia of phones quite quickly and found out that I'm actually pretty good at it. Happy phone voice...that's all you need. And when you realize that the majority of people you're talking to are nice little librarians (they are a dying breed!), it takes some of the danger out of it!

A Photo Shoot Gone Horribly Wrong

Well, 7 boxes of kleenex, 13 almost sleepless nights, 2 trips to the chiropractor, tons of acidophillus, lots of vitamin c, even more prayer, and one horrible drivers license picture and I've started the week off feeling like my old self! What a blessing our health is. How we take for granted the gift of breathing normally.

But back to the drivers license picture...I show up at the insurance office yesterday to renew my autopac/drivers and lo and behold, my picture has expired. This I find really funny because I just got my new license with my cool holographic picture on it the day before in the mail and then it proceeded to expire 24 hours later. So anyway, in a rare moment, I hadn't really done my makeup and my hair was just in a lazy ponytail because who knew a quick trip up town to the insurance agency would result in an impromptu photo shoot? Not I!! They should really tell us before we show up looking like the bride of Frankenstein! Although I think it's a conspiracy among autopac people to make it a fun surprise so that they can compare stories of the most horrendous pictures! And the really sad part is, my last picture was horrible and I had been looking forward to a new picture.

Well you are all going to have to take my word for how scary the picture is because you will never see it and I will be driving 5 under the speed limit for the next 4 years so that I never have to show an unsuspecting officer the awful thing! Let's just say the 7 boxes of kleenex took their toll on my poor nose and upper lip. Good thing you're not allowed to smile for the new license pictures because I couldn't have even if I'd tried. Although a smile might have been my saving grace in this instance. Oh well, there's always another chance in 4 years. And you can bet I'll never show up at the insurance agency again looking any less than my best!

Oh What a Wonderful Feeling...

I've got 4 new, unopened cans of paint in my house just waiting for me to dive in. And I almost literally do dive into my paint! When I paint, no matter how careful I am, I seem to have paint in my hair, on my face, up to my elbows, sometimes even on my butt (I've been known to back into freshly painted walls). I love to paint and I get really involved. I crank up the tunes and just go! Some people think I'm nuts how much I paint, but it's totally cathartic! And I love the smell of new paint (latex...not oil). It's so fresh, so new, so clean. It's like a rebirthing for the room, or in this case a new birth as my basement has never had paint. The feeling of having a picture in my head of how it's all going to look and then seeing it all come together, and when the room is all finished, I can stand back and say "yep, that's how it looked in my head".

Thankfully I'm finally feeling like I'm getting better because I'm going to need all my strength and energy to paint, paint, paint. Don't worry, I won't overdo it and get sick again. I had to muster all my willpower today and not run downstairs the minute I brought the paint home and start. But I said to myself "Self, you will wait till next week when you've had the chance to rest a bit more!" THAT is self-control!!!

Choices

I went to see my Chiropractor this morning and she told me some interesting things. The most interesting was that she didn't think I have an infection and that the antibiotics I'm on will probably cause more harm than good (no infection=no use for the antibiotics=increase in yeast for no good reason). She said it was my choice what I did with that information, but it does make sense. My nasal "fluid" is running clear and that usually means no infection (sorry, probably more info than you needed to know!).

She did say that the cleanse I'm on and how badly my neck was out would make any viral cold that I would get a lot worse, hence the extreme sinus blockage. So I'm pumping myself up on vitamin c and acidophillus and going back to the chiropractor on Monday. If suddenly my nasal fluid does turn green and my symptoms get worse I have no problem taking the antibiotics. I just don't want to ruin my hard work for NOTHING if I have the chance to get better and keep the benefits of my cleanse thus far.

I know some people might think I'm weird and that this is all bogus, but I've got a lot of trust in natural and herbal remedies. I also have a lot of trust in doctors and medicine. If it wasn't for them I probably wouldn't be here today. There just has to be a balance between both worlds and I think I've found it for the most part. I've taken antibiotics before, and I'll take them again if I have to. There are just some things that I'd rather test the alternative route before taking medication that I know will have more harmful effects than good in my body at this particular time.

So on that note, would you please pray for me that what I'm doing will work and that I'm making the right choice. I appreciate all the support and encouragement I've gotten from everyone so far.

The Saddest Valentine

Ella came home from school today with her latest craft project. So I put him up on the fridge and then I studied him a little closer. His smile was upside down! I asked her why he was so sad, and she replied "Because he couldn't find his sister". Poor sad valentine!

Calm after the teething/cold storm!

This was Aidan yesterday morning...smiling. She was happily eating her breakfast, so peacefully. I think it's been a week and a half since the whole cold-turned-teething spell started. And what a lifetime that week felt like! I took out my camera to capture this moment and when she saw the camera she started hamming it up. It was wonderful to hear her laugh and see her beautiful smile.

Candida Cleanse: Day 32

I'm feeling a little discouraged today. I've been sick with a wicked cold for 8 days and I went to the doctor today. He gave me a really high dose of antibiotics (12 days worth!). Antibiotics are one of the worst yeast related enemies. So basically everything I've worked so hard for in the last 5 weeks isn't quite ruined, but severely hindered. Just when I felt like I'd conquered the world and I was on track, it kind of went up in smoke. I felt like throwing in the towel and saying "I'm done, let's go for pizza and cheesecake!" But I can't give up.

I'll do what I have to do, it's just not what I wanted. At least I'm rooted enough into my diet now that I'm not really craving too much anymore, I was just really looking forward to things like a glass of chocolate milk, or a fresh cookie and not having to take all my own food everywhere I go. Thank goodness that God's grace is sufficient for us in times when we are discouraged. And I have to remind myself of my verse one more time:

"Let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't get discouraged and give up." (Galatians 6:9)

Vacant Wanderings of a Feeble Mind!

That's actually how I'm feeling right now, but that title is actually the name of a video a bunch of us made in high school. Yeah, I know, we all missed our calling.

Anyway, exciting news in our household, we got a NEW VACUUM!!!! Oh, this is big stuff for us. In the 6 years (almost) that we've been married, I've never owned a vacuum. I've been using an old clunker that my mom let us borrow (that's Jer and Aidan using the old vacuum one last time).

And now, enter the new Hoover Windtunnel Twin Chamber Bagless Vacuum with Hepafilter. (and I suffered a major injury taking this picture! I'm currently sitting with a bag of frozen corn on my leg trying to stop the bruising and swelling. It's the hazards of the job, I know)

Oh yeah, baby, this vacuum sucks!! And I mean really sucks. We just had our carpets shampooed and vacuumed with mom's good vacuum and we had just vacuumed on Friday with our old vacuum. So Jer decides to take it for a spin yesterday afternoon and you should see the stuff that came out of our carpet! YUCK!!!! I said to Jer "maybe the manufacturers just put dust and hair and fiber and dirt in it so that the first time you use it you think 'wow, this thing works amazing!'" He just shook his head. So that proves my point, we could have been using a Carpet Flick for as well as our old vacuum was working.

And I know I'm weird...who takes pictures of vacuums? I just hadn't posted any pictures in a while and I thought you deserved something a little special : )

Congratulations!!!

I just wanted to offer my congratulations to Tyler and Becky on the birth of their son, Elliot Avery. Way to go, Becky!

Erin turns into a teenager again!

All I can say is that "I'm so excited!!!" I got to kinda, sorta meet Fireflight (only for like 10 seconds while they signed my cd, but so what). And I'm kicking myself (dangit, dangit, dangit!!!!!) I didn't bring my camera (I could have had my picture with all of them...dangit, dangit, dangit!!!!!...sorry). Everytime I think of it I get madder. Oh, well.

The concert rocked. All 3 bands played amazingly, all very good live performers. We sat in the fourth row (in front of the speakers) and it was so awesome to be right there, up, close, personal and slightly deaf. Luckily we met Jay and Rachel there (by fluke) and we sat with them. It was lucky because Jay had the forethought to bring 4 pairs of earplugs. I was going to be all "cool, rock girl" and not wear any (I'll show them!), but after the first band played, my ears were not very happy (especially since I have a sinus cold). I still couldn't put in the earplugs for Fireflight (it felt kind of like betrayal), but I did wear them for Disciple since they were crazy!

I felt like I should have been a chaperone or something because the majority of the kids there were probably 13-18. And that's when it hit me...I'm getting up on the way to 30. I know I've got a ways to go, but it's not going to be that long before I'm one of the disgruntled looking parents bringing my kids to loud concerts. I hope I can always love music enough to embarrass my kids a little and rock with them instead of sitting there with my arms crossed looking like I was dying a slow death (you should have seen the mom sitting 2 rows behind us, hee, hee, I wonder what she was thinking...). And then I saw one dad just givin' er with his son. It was awesome!

Anyway, rock on, Fireflight, you did not disappoint!

The longest day ever...

I guess I can say that my day started...hmmm...74 hours ago. Okay, maybe that's slighty exaggerated, but that's what it feels like. I don't think I've slept (much) in the last 3 days (or nights). You know when you're in that semi-asleep mode where you are dreaming, and you know you're dreaming, but you also know that your left nostril is plugged and your neck is getting a kink in it because you've tried to position it just right to keep both nostrils open, resulting in all the yuck sliding down the back of your throat and waking you up in a coughing fit? Yeah, that's pretty much how it's been. I even took that nightime-coughing-sneezing-sorethroat-congestion-medicine-so-
you-can-get-the-rest-you-need-and-wake-up-feeling-better stuff...it doesn't work!

So if you're waiting for me to blog about something interesting, don't...I'm walking around in a bit of a fog. Although if I could just remember my dreams in some logical way, that would be pretty interesting stuff to blog about. I've got some crazy stuff going on in there at night. You know how it's said that you process at night all the stuff from the day? Well, I'm not sure that planting fuzzy, fake flowers in my mom's garden while looking at pictures of my brother standing on a dolphin was at all talked about or mentioned yesterday. So there you have it...

Tuesday's Musings...

1. Our basement is on the road to being finished (a very long, winding, slow road!!!). We are finally getting the drywall taped/mudded on the weekend. YAY!!! That means by next week I should be painting, and if you know me, you'll know I'm happier than a pig in whatever he's happy in when I'm painting. Then the carpet can go in and then it's livable.

2. I'm almost half done my cleanse (I'm in the fourth week...go, Erin, go). But the second half should be easier because as of Saturday I'll be able to eat some fruit. That's so awesome! I never thought that an apple would hit the spot.

3. As of next week I'll be working very part time (couple hours a day) from my computer in my home for some friends making contacts for their business. Maybe I can actually finally pay off that stupid credit card now. I always wondered what I could do from home to earn a little something, and God dropped it in my lap. It fits my life, I don't need childcare (but thanks for offering, Mom), and eventually, when my cc is paid off I can use that money for all the little things that end up on the cc, taking some of the strain off our life.

It's interesting how God says He will provide all our needs, but I don't think we, or at least I, always truly believe that 100%. I still look for ways to make the money go the distance instead of trusting that God's got my best in mind. Yet just when something else appears in our life and I think "Oh no, how is this going to work in our budget?" God comes through...a raise for Jer, a new side job, and now this for me. God knows every need and just when you think there's nothing else you can do to make things happen, you find out you're right. There isn't anything you can do. But God can. And he does! Give it up and give it over.

I have a problem!

I'm finally going to face the facts...I am a horder! I have this obsession with HAVING things. But most recently I've discovered that the 2 things I especially can't have enough of are books and scrapbook paper.

I've always had this dream of having a big library one day. Floor to ceiling shelving, a fireplace, nice comfy chair, the whole works. And what better to fill this wonderful room with than books? So I have this goal, fill a room with books. The trouble is, I don't have that room yet, but I do have boxes and bins and shelves of books that I refuse to throw out or give away because one day I will have a library. I've also discovered that I have lots of books that I have not read. I always have to have more than one book on hand for when I'm finished my current book (or books, I'm in the middle of 3 right now) so that I have a choice as to what to read next.

As for the paper issue...I'm thinking I need help. I buy paper just to have it because it's pretty. Who knows if I'll use it, but I can't leave it behind. I have an addiction. I go into a scrapbooking store and just stand and drool. All the pretty colors and patterns, oh all the pretty pages I could do (but apparently don't have time to do). And if that isn't bad enough, I'm sitting here right now contemplating joining a scrapbooking club online where they mail you a complete kit of coordinating paper and stuff every month right to your door (or mailbox). So then I'd have more. Yes, I really do have a problem.

Daddy's other job

Daddy is actually also another mode of transportation at our house. I think their term for him is "the camel". Aidan was feeling particularly brave this time (which makes me very nervous).

Dependence on Technology

I've realized that we have become totally and utterly dependant on all our gadgets. What did our parents do before cell phones, computers, the internet, microwaves, dishwashers? I'm guilty of the dependency! The cell phone...I can take it or leave it, but it's handy to have one. The internet/computer...totally dependent, why I'd actually have to do housework or exercise if I didn't have it. The dishwasher...been with, been without, hopefully never without again. But the Microwave...who knew the impact that would have on one's life? It must have taken Mom hours to do anything!!!

Well ours died on Monday. Four days without a microwave is almost torture. I realized how little forethought goes into my meals when all of a sudden it's 4:00 and I have no meat defrosted and no microwave to defrost with. That really screws up my plans. Like I'd think of what tomorrow's supper is going to be the night before! I'm definitely not my Mom. So my hat goes off the the generations of women who came before us that had to think of meals a day or two in advance and who had to spend hours in front of the stove to heat and reheat food. Four days was more than enough!

Very, very, very, very, very excited!!!!!!!

Okay, so I'm very excited as my title said. Jer and I are going to see Fireflight at the Pantages Playhouse next Friday (that's who's playing right now, or will be shortly once it loads if you have your speakers turned on and you didn't shut off my mp3 player). Jer introduced them to me a few months back and they have quickly become my favorite band. And it's actually 4 bands playing on Friday and they are one of them. Yay!!! How cool is that. I didn't think they'd ever come here, I get the cd for Christmas and VIOLA...5 weeks later they're in Winnipeg. What great timing!

Blog improvements...

As some of you may have noticed (those with speakers) I have added music to my blog. If you don't like it, you can scroll down to the little player on the left and pause it, or change the song (I made sure it had these options so that you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to). These are currently a couple of the songs that I love. There are more I'd like to eventually add (when I figure how to upload them from my computer).

Three Little Ballerinas

They all wanted to wear pink dresses and they all wanted to dance. Aidan comes running to me holding her dress out, frantically signing please to put it on too, just like the older girls. She twirls and flaps her arms and they are all so cute together happily dancing.

Day 17: Candida Cleanse

Well, it's true...the first 2 weeks are the hardest after that it's not so bad. My energy is back. On Friday I cleaned my entire house from top to bottom and when I finished I was almost disappointed not to have more to do. I think it's been so long since I even wanted to do anything productive that it was a nice treat to have a clean, fresh house. Jer was also relieved and delighted. Aside from my verse posted on the fridge (Galatians 6:9 - click on verse to read passage) I've put a counter on my blog to give myself motivation (although the words are very dark and I can't figure out how to change it, so you'll have to look closely to read it, making it almost pointless!!).

Day 14: Candida Cleanse (it's working!!)

I had my blood analysis yesterday at the Herbal Market. I was mostly happy with what I saw. My blood showed the yeast on its way out. I could see the yeast dying off. It was fantastic. All my hard work in the last 2 weeks has paid off. She said she could see that I had been on the cleanse. And even better was the news that I only have to be really strict for another 2 weeks and then I can add a few new things (including fruit, yay) back into my diet for another 4 weeks and then I'm done. So that was encouraging. I also found out that I'm not digesting protein, so she gave me an enzyme for that and she said that it should clear up any digestive problems I'm having. Again, yay!

The only disgusting thing that I was shocked about was a bunch of parasites that apparently had been in my system for a couple years (probably picked them up in Mexico) because one was in her words "the biggest parasite I've ever seen" which means it's been there for a while. If you read my last post about my fear of worms, well, you would have understood my absolute horror when I saw it. It is actually a worm (yuck, yuck, yuck!!!!!). I mean my blood was magnified many, many, many times so it's not actually that big (microscopic), but when it's magnified, it's soooooo gross. I think I almost fainted (seriously, I felt queasy). But the good new about the parasites it that they are actually on their way out of me as well. She said they are not "happy" with what I'm doing (she could tell by the way they were shaped and where they were in my body).

I'm telling you, this blood thing is so cool. It's not always nice to see what's in you, but it's nice to know what you can do to help. So it was worth it. Anyway, that's enough blabbing. Likely no one's as interested as me as what's in my blood.

35 things about me...

1. What is your occupation? mommy
2. What color are your socks right now? Black
3. What are you listening to right now? someone butchering "Unchained
Melody" on American Idol
4. What was the last thing that you ate? tortilla chips with bean dip
5. Can you drive a stick shift? not to save my life or anyone else's for that
 matter (that's not a very good thing)
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? red
7. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my mom
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? love her to pieces
9. How old are you today?  26
10. Favorite drink?  right now anything but water (it's all I can drink)
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? ummm, none at all...but soccer if
 any (that one's for Jer)
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
13. Pets? a fish named Ziggy
14. Favorite food? probably anything Italian (still in Italy mode I suppose)
15. What was the last movie you watched? Charlotte's Web (and I cried)
16. Favorite day of the year? My birthday (and that's when I want to be in
Italy)
17. Favorite thing to do at home? you might think Blogging, but reading (in
a bubblebath is even better)
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? my Barbies and their big house I
had
19. Which is your favorite: spring or fall? Spring
21. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries
22. Living arrangements? ummm, a house, with my 2 kids and husband? 
23. When was the last time you cried? yesterday (all day off and on...
it was happy crying)
24. What is on the floor of your closet? an overturned laundry basket (kids
use it for their car, a belt, boxes of unopened closet storage, and socks.
25. What did you do last night? read an awesome book, talked with Jer.
26. Favorite smells? Jer's cologne, vanilla, anything baking
27. What are you afraid of? snakes, worms, anything that looks like a
snake or worm
28. How many Siblings? 2 brothers
29. How many cars have you owned? 1 on my own and one with Jer
30. Number of keys on your key ring? 3
31. How many years at your current job? 3 1/2 and only 20 some odd years
 till retirement
32. Favorite day of the week? Monday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Friday...
they're all the same to me
33. How many provinces have you lived in? 1 (now ask me how many cities...1)
34. Favorite holiday? My birthday (it should be a holiday)
35. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? no, I wanted to drive the
Challenger, but no

Wanderlust

So I'm sitting here wasting time until my hubby gets home with the couple food items I need to actually cook something edible for my very hungry tummy! What better way to do that than plan a trip to Italy? I ran it past him a few days ago and let me tell you, the idea is snowballing out of control!!!! I've already found good flights (as good as they can be with $300 in taxes tacked on!), itineraries, an almost willing babysitter (thanks, Mom), now if only I could find the money. Jer said he'd gladly take me, just "show me the money". AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's a sick feeling of impotence. I don't want to get a job, although a part-time one wouldn't kill me for a couple of months. And Jer doesn't want to do any side jobs (at least not for a long time). So that leaves me sitting at my laptop dreaming. Oh, well, I guess dreams are free.

...maybe we don't actually need to eat supper...for the next 9 months...

Mommy's 2 Bookworms

 
I always hoped my children would have the same passion for the written word that I have.  Ella always has, but I wasn't too sure Aidan would.  Well this is my dream come true (one of many).  A silent moment where they are both absorbed in their books.  They didn't even look up when the camera flashed.  Suddenly Aidan is all about books and I don't even get to actually read them.  She just points to EVERYTHING on the page and says "waya?"  I'm assuming it means "what's that?" and it's helping her learn to talk.  In the last week she has started repeating lots of new words.  Maybe one day I'll hear something other than "ananana wayah".

It's only 9 a.m. and already it's been quite the day. I got up and checked my email and I couldn't believe it. An email from a lost friend to whom I had sent an email on Friday, hoping to at least close a door. A friendship that had never had closure for me and I'm sure for her. I needed to ask forgiveness from her for my part in a bad ending. I never thought I'd hear from her. It was enough knowing that I was doing what I'd wanted to do for 2 years.

But not only did she respond, she blessed me. Maybe time is sometimes what is needed to erase hurt and things never said. I don't know. I think it gave us the chance to grow up apart and maybe, just maybe we couldn't have reached our potentials together. That was a really hard thing for me to face 2 years ago, when I thought we'd never, ever not be friends. We'd be friends till we died. We always joked about being old together and sitting on our front porch acting as silly as we always were. Anyway, who knows where it will go. All I know is that only good things happen when you follow God's promptings. I'm finally free from something that has weighed me down for 2 years. Not only my body feels lighter from my cleanse, my heart is also getting a cleanse.

Day 10: Candida Cleanse

Well, it's getting easier. The die-off symptoms are simmering down. That's a relief. The cravings haven't hit that hard...yet. Who knows if they will. And I haven't been discouraged. Not once! That's a miracle. I also haven't cheated yet. That's another miracle (although I have had to ignore the little voice sitting on my shoulder telling me "it's okay, one taste of that isn't going to make a difference, no one will ever know"...ah, but I will, and God will and I'd probably blog about it and then everyone else would know!).

I feel clean inside and out. I feel like I've dropped a hundred pounds just because all the junk inside is leaving. My energy is up from last week, so you may have noticed, as I'm not posting multiple times a day (I can actually get my butt up off this chair and be productive in areas other than just blogging!!).

I have a blood analysis this Thursday to see how I'm doing and to see where I need to improve. I'm looking forward to it this time instead of dreading all the awful things they'll tell me ("we're not in the business of telling you what's right, just what's wrong and needs to be fixed"). I've come away thinking I'm dying, but not this time. I know I'm improving.

Apparently I'm a daisy. I always knew I loved them for a reason!!

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

What Flower Are You?

Just when I think I'm losing it...

I'm sitting here on my couch, reading a good book, when all of a sudden I get this nasty ringing in my ears and it won't stop. I finish my book and decide to use my laptop and the ringing will not cease or desist. I move my head this way, then that way, stretch my neck...my I must have a lot of tension in my neck or something. I Google "sudden ringing in ears", I'm getting desperate here. Nothing "rings" a bell. I haven't had a recent concussion, or injury, no loud noises (it's dead quiet in here, girls are sleeping). So what the heck.

An hour goes by. I can't take it anymore. Maybe it's the fridge or the laptop. Sometimes devices do that. So I decide to try and follow the ringing. (should have thought of this 45 minutes ago before the nasty headache set in at the base of my skull!!!!). Lo and behold...it's a toy...the batteries have died. I switch it off and sweet relief!

A new part of our family

I just wanted to tell everyone about the proud, heart-filling evening I'm having. We decided to sponsor a little girl in Africa today. I feel like I've added someone new to my family. I don't know much about her yet, only that her name is Rachidatou Baga, her birthday is the same as mine (that's not why I picked her, although it did make the decision easier), and she lives in
Burkina Faso (which up until today I didn't know was a country in Africa).

I know to some of you it may not seem like a huge deal, but my grandparents always had a child sponsor and I remember reading their letters and thinking "one day I will sponsor a child and make a difference". That day has come for me and it's a HUGE milestone in my life. I got all choked up when I hit the "send" button on the website.

Welcome to our family, Rachidatou!! We love you already.

Day 5: Candida Cleanse

So far so good. I'm surprised by my willpower thus far. I don't think on any cleanse I've ever done that I've ever lasted 5 days without just sampling a little something (shows just how little self-control I normally have and how I got in this predicament in the first place). So that is a testament to God's abundant grace.

On a further positive note, the die-off symptoms are appearing more and more. This is a wonderful thing. I'm braced for battle, and I'm seeing the impact of starving out the yeast. Fatigue, lethargy, horrible acne, rashes cropping out on my skin, headaches...I look like crap, but it's all still a good sign and only by the grace of God am I coping with them and prepared for them. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I'm standing on God's word and looking them in the face and saying "Bring it on, I'm ready, because this means I'm getting better". And really, the end is in sight. It shouldn't last more than a couple weeks at the most. So then I'll have more energy than all of you put together (oh yes, the old Erin will be back!).

Oh, and another prayer request is that I won't get an ear infection as the yeast comes out (it happened last time and is quite common) not only because of the uncomfortableness of it, but because I don't want to go on antibiotics as that is totally counterproductive to this cleanse (yeast thrives on antibiotics). And thank you all for the encouragment I've recieved so far. You are an integral part of my healing process.

Galatians 6:9

And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't get discouraged and give up.

I think this will be my mantra.  I just want to encourage anyone who is having a tough time "doing what is right", don't give up.  God is with us and he will meet all our needs each day in each difficult moment if we turn to Him.  Bless you today!

A Sweet Sunday

 

Aidan's Baby Dedication

Aidan: Fire of God
Be aglow and burning with the Spirit.  Romans 12:11


 

Day 2: Candida Cleanse

(aka: get rid of the crappy yeast making me sick, tired and bloated!!!!)

So I've made it through the first 24 hours of this program. I just keep telling myself "one day at a time". I've hit the first die-off symptom; headache. It's making my eyes burn. But that's actually a good thing (that's what I need to remind myself) because it means my body is in withdrawl from something it wants and I'm not giving it what it wants (yeast and anything that promotes yeast growth: sugar (and there are like a hundred different names for sugar that the sneaky buggers use to try and fool us), alcohol, MSG, preservatives, vinegar, etc., etc.). And I've told myself I will not cheat. Not once. I will be strong.

I was kind of discouraged at the outset. It's a huge chore to cook without encountering something I shouldn't have. But I must say I made a wicked lasagne yesterday. All natural. I even made the pasta sauce from scratch. And supper only took me 2 hours from beginning to end. Hopefully I'll do better so that I don't spend the next 2 months in kitchen cooking from sun-up to sun-down.

I was told by my dear sister, Svea, that I should remember to go to the Lord and ask for His Holy Spirit to help me with self-control and strength, creativity and wisdom in what to eat. That's a hard thing to do when you already feel so distant from God. So I had to shake myself and crawl back. I spent an evening on the couch listening to some good music and crying out to my God to pull me close. It was hard to break down the wall of pride and admit that I had drifted. All I know is that I won't do this diet on my own strength. I already know that because I've failed it twice before. So if you remember, please pray for me. This is more than just a silly diet to lose weight (although that's a great benefit), it's going to make me healthier, stronger and hopefully build my relationship with Jesus.

I'm too sexy for my shirt!

 

Christmas Snapshots

A sweet moment

If only we were all this excited!!

I still can't believe she got a laptop before me!!!
And it's PINK!!!
(Good thing I already know how to count and spell
or I'd be jealous!)

             She fits in Daddy's new backpack!             

All the girlies in Granny's jammies

Ella Bella Dancerella  
                              

Ella and Monika sing "Away in a Manger"
for Grandpa Harder

Growing up

 
I just had to blog this.  Ella wrote her name the other day.  All by herself.  
I didn't help her at all.  I think that's what makes me so proud.  

Walmart Ce Soir?

It was midnight.  The party had just finished.  Louise was 30 and the Gorgeous Gals were feeling adventurous.  I wasn't sure what the night would hold in store for us, but I knew it would be good.

We drove for a while.  There were lights shining against the black night;  A lonely Walmart.

We decided to stop and see what was going on.  A weird sight met us.  People.  Everywhere. Shopping.  It was other-worldly.  It seemed a fever had set in and no one could stop themselves from buying.


We wandered aimlessly, hoping to find something.


Louise couldn't stop herself from scanning.  Something about a lost dream of being a scanner-lady.  It was hopeless.  The pervading sense of silliness was closing in on us.  It was like we were being taken over by some strange phenomenon.  We were out of control.



The need to try on was inescapable.  We gave in.  



After what seemed like forever, we realized it was 2 a.m.  Our hunger and the coupons we had buring in our pockets beckoned to us.  We ate like there would be no tomorrow.



A strange thing happened.  Sexy food poses started cropping up.

















When we re-entered the store...it was empty.  The people had disappeared.  While we were otherwise distracted, sleep had stolen in like a thief in the night and carried them to their beds.  It was time to go.  We knew, but we didn't like it.  

We stopped one last time to capture the night.  It was a good night.  Too bad it had to end.

The End

Ode to my commenters

 I just thought that I would give a little verbal appreciation to those who take the time to comment on my obscure posts.  Makes me feel very appreciated.  Judy, Ruth, Becky, you guys are my faithfuls.  I look forward to your insight, encouragement and fun comments.  A shout out to a couple new ones, Esther, Carla, very tickled that you guys stopped by to say Hi!!!  And to all you others who have posted in the past, you are a bright spot in my day.  I look forward each day to seeing who has commented.  And to all those who have not commented, I hope you enjoy the blog and hope one day to hear from you (it's fun to hear your thoughts!!), and if not, keep enjoying.  

A Good Haircut's Worth A Thousand Words

 
What can I say about a great haircut?  I feel like a million bucks.  I mean look at
 me, I'm hot. Okay, maybe I'm carrying it a bit far, but the fact that I walked in
the door and like 45 seconds later Jer was taking these pictures maybe explains how I feel about it.

A day off for mommy...

Mommy's should get a manditory day off...every so often...just because...
We don't even get sick days!  Not that I'm complaining.  It just really hit home this week, when my lovely husband stayed home Monday and Tuesday with a bout of the flu, and there I was trying to take care of him and my 2 lovely handfuls.  Thankfully he wasn't throwing up.  And then Wednesday hit...off he went to work and my 2 lovely handfuls were doubled into 4 (I babysat on Wednesday morning), and low and behold, I got his flu (again, thankfully no puking!!!).  So now it's Thursday and he's out partying at his work Christmas party and I'm toughing it out trying to be a loving, compassionate mother (not really succeeding in that area) while sitting in the washroom, yelling from there about this and that.  My patience is worn out and I feel like I should be on a tv show about being a better mom.  Oh did I mention that I also made 2 desserts this morning for Jer's work party?  Oh yes, I'm definitely super mom...super tired mom!

A star in the making

 
Ella was very excited about the Christmas program at church.  Until we were on the way there and she realized mommy would not be coming on stage with her.  She had been practicing her beautiful songs every day (and night), and she found out at church the morning of the program that she would get to be an angel.  Oh what joy, what bliss.  She is obsessed with angels these days, ever since we put one on the tree.  So we got her in her costume and I snuck away hoping and praying that she would make it up to the stage without a scene.  But how surprised I was when she marched up there like a trooper and sang and did all the actions and even waved when it was all over.  

My family

 
I just wanted to show everyone what we look like together.  It's a rare occurance, even though we only live a few minutes apart.  It seems with all our busy schedules and everything, we don't get to be together very often.  We won't even be together at Christmas.  But all the same, when we are together, we have fun.  And this time Aidan didn't even cry at Kerry and Brady!  What progress.

These are the special times...

 
Every year it gets more fun to decorate the tree.  Ella is starting to be very excited about it.  This year she got a movie about "Alabaster" the angel on top of a tree.  After she saw it she informed me that "Daddy will lift me high up and I'll put the Alabaster angel on our tree".  So we put little Aidie-baby to bed (she was no help at all pulling the lights off the tree) and we put on some Christmas music and Ella decorated (and I redecorated).  When we were all done, we made popcorn, turned off all the lights, sat down with our snack and eggnog, and admired our handy work.  These are the traditions that will be special every year.

I Lost!!!

 
This is Jer savouring his victory.
A victory, I might add, that happened on the sly.  
Blame it on Mike.  Oh, he didn't know he wasn't supposed to drywall
over it.  But since it's done...

The Corner

I can hear what you're all thinking..."why would Erin post a picture of some 2x4's?"  
Well these sticks of wood  have been quite the source of contention in our household.  
I can't even count how many conversations have been had about this corner.  

She said "Let's invert that corner and make more space for toys"
He said "sounds like a good idea"

2 months later...

He said "Do I have to move that corner?  It's going to be a lot of work"
She said "You said!"

2 days later...
 
He said "Do you still want me to move that corner?"
She said "Yes, more space remember?"

2 days after that...
 
He said "Let's just leave that wall as it is and I can drywall it and it will be done."
She said "But I want the space!!!!"

another hour later...

He said "Please can I just leave it?"
She said "If you had spent all the time we have spent talking about this stupid 
                corner working on the stupid corner, it would be done already!"

As of today, we still have come to no final conclusion.  Maybe we should just 
move!